


you're the flame in my heart

by samugiiri



Series: you're the flame in my heart [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Slow Burn, Supportive Miya Atsumu, im sorry for making you suffer samu, mentioned miya atsumu/sakusa kiyoomi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 10:21:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27469420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samugiiri/pseuds/samugiiri
Summary: Falling in love with Suna Rintarou was so easy.Loving, though, wasn’t easy at all.!!! currently on hold !!!
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Osamu/Suna Rintarou
Series: you're the flame in my heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2006986
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	1. realizations

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any mistakes! this isn't beta read

_ Falling in love with Suna Rintarou was so easy. _

_ Loving, though, wasn’t easy at all. _

Osamu fell for Suna head first. There was no stopping it. He didn’t mind it though, he’d do anything for him.

Suna is many things. He is the guy who transferred schools from Tokyo to Hyogo in their first year. He is the boy who has the look of a fox. He is a promising middle blocker for Inarizaki. He is the jerk who records his fights with his brother and keeps blackmail in his phone. He is the best friend of Osamu.

But, most importantly,  _ he is the one that Osamu is in love with. _

  
  
  


When did it start? 

He supposes it could be when he first saw him. Suna’s bed hair, his resting bitch face, his fox-like grin. Just everything about him.

It could possibly be when they started eating lunch together, either with the others or hiding away in the corner of their classroom. The small conversations, the inside jokes, and even the comfortable silences between them.

_ Actually, when it started didn’t really matter.  _

  
  
  


There are so many reasons why he shouldn’t love Suna. So many reasons for him to stop before he gets hurt. But, Osamu wasn’t one to listen anyways.

Plus, love makes you a masochist like that.

Even if there are many reasons that he should stop loving Suna, there are just as many to keep loving Suna.

Suna is a raging flame in his heart. A flame he can’t stop, one that will only keep growing bigger and warmer.

And he is fine with that.

  
  


\---

It’s the end of the week, a Friday. They have morning practice and Osamu has already left, giving up on trying to wake his idiot brother, Atsumu.

While walking to school, he sees a familiar figure ahead of him. He runs quietly to him and drapes his arm around the person’s shoulder.

“Rin!” Osamu says as he giggles at the frown of Suna. “The hell, Samu? It’s too early in the fucking morning.” Suna says as he tries to escape the twin’s hold. Even if he’s frowning, Osamu can still see a smile threatening to form, to which he smiles back at.

It’s always been like this since they started getting closer. Osamu would always run into the middle blocker and they’d continue to walk to school together. Either talking or just in silence.

Sometimes, if Atsumu would wake up, he would join them too. Much to their dismay.

When they reach school, they walk to the gym. “It’s 6:30, we still have some time before practice starts.” Suna says as he looks at his phone. Osamu hums and they walk into the locker room.

Osamu changes quickly so he can eat a small snack before they start warming up. He gets out his granola bar and starts munching away, smiling and perfectly content.

When he finishes eating, he throws away his trash and fixes his locker. “Samu, let’s go and warm up!” He looks to the door and sees Suna about to open it but stops. The wing spiker tilts his head in slight confusion but catches his breath when the other walks closer.

He wills himself not to turn completely red when the younger uses his thumb to wipe away the stray crumbs on his face. 

“You’re such a messy eater.” Suna snorts and walks out of the locker room. 

Osamu stands there still stunned. He can feel his face heating up and he covers his face in embarrassment. Because  _ what the fuck, Rin. That was unfair. _

After a few minutes of calming himself down and stopping himself from going into full gay panic, he walks out with a straight face and continues on with warm ups and practice.

He somehow makes it through morning practice without staring at Suna the whole time which he sighs in relief at. They get ready and head for their classrooms.

Of course, the universe decides to make it harder and remind him that he and Suna are classmates. Oh,  _ and  _ that they seat right next to each other.

Why did life have to make it so hard just as he realized his feelings?

They took their seats as their teacher entered the classroom. Suna asked for a pen, like he usually and always does. Osamu, of course, gives him one. At this point, he just can’t say no to the other.

Throughout class, he finds himself staring at Suna several times and basking in the beauty that he is.  _ He looks ethereal with the sun shining on him. _

“Don’t you know it’s rude to stare, Samu? Am I just that pretty?” Osamu is brought out of his reverie when he hears Suna’s voice. He huffs, trying to keep quiet as they are still in class. He lets out a small smile seconds later and whispers, “Yeah, ya are.” 

The middle blocker doesn’t hear but if Osamu was sporting red cheeks, he doesn’t see it.

\---

After boring morning classes, the lunch bell rings. Osamu practically jumps out of his chair and nudges Suna to hurry up so they can eat. They walk up the stairs to the rooftop and sit where they normally eat.

When he sees that it’s empty, that’s only when he realizes that it’ll just be the both of them. Apparently, Tsumu and Gin had to stay back in their classrooms for lunch to help out their teacher. 

They take their seats and eat their food in silence. The silence is an understanding between them. If someone wants to talk, they will. But right now, they sit and eat in silence, and Osamu is basking in the warmth of Suna’s presence.

“Samu,” Suna calls and Osamu turns his head towards the brunette, still munching on his onigiri. He hums to let the other know he’s listening.

“Do you know what you’re gonna do in the future? Like, after we graduate.” Suna looks down at his hands and Osamu can see him fidgeting, a sign of nervousness.  _ Why is he nervous? _

“I’ve thought about it, but ain’t it a bit early for that?” Osamu puts his onigiri down and looks up at the sky. He brings his clean hand to run it through Suna’s hair. He knows this helps calm the other down, another thing he noticed in their time of friendship.

Suna leans his head on the twin’s shoulder and closes his eyes. Osamu looks down to see the younger’s face and as always,  _ he looks beautiful. _

Osamu takes a moment to calm his breathing and somehow make sure his heartbeat isn’t loud enough for the other to hear how hard it’s pounding. He takes a breath and continues talking, “Well, ta answer yer question, I have. I don’t think I’ll continue volleyball, I probably migh’ just go into tha food industry.”

He feels Suna shift and is met with grayish-yellow eyes staring at him. “Really?” He asks and Osamu nods. He brings his hand down but hears the middle blocker whine softly at the loss. The spiker chuckles and his fingers return to messy brown hair.

“Yer such a spoiled brat.” He jokes. “But you love me anyways.” Suna deadpans but Osamu can hear a small smile in his voice. “Whatever keeps you sleeping at night, Rin.” 

Little did Suna know, Osamu was blushing hard and was trying his best to keep calm. He knows it’s a joke but he can’t help himself but feel flustered at that comment.  _ “Yes, I do love you.” _ is what he wants to say but he knows he shouldn’t. 

He has to keep his feelings to himself, for the sake of their friendship. It’s the best he can do for now. Maybe in his dreams, he can call Suna  _ his.  _

The bell rings and he shakes Suna so they can leave. He helps the other out and they fix their stuff and head to their classroom.

As they head back, Osamu looks at Suna again from behind and sighs. When Suna arches an eyebrow at him after hearing him sigh, he just waves him off and smiles melancholically. He hopes those eyes don’t notice the slight sadness in his expression.

\---

The day goes by and their classes finish. Osamu raises his head from where it was pillowed by his arms and sighs. He yawns and goes to nudge Suna so they can go to the gym for practice.

_ “Ugh, why does he have to be so cute,”  _ Osamu thinks as he sees Suna blinking out the sleepiness from his eyes and grabbing his bag. They walk to the gym together and meet everyone there.

Practice goes by as normal. They practice their serves, receives, and blocks. During breaks, Osamu stares at Suna again and thinks about how nice but painful loving the middle blocker is. He shakes his head to get out of his thoughts, this is not the time to be thinking about that.

He feels a pair of eyes, burning the back of his head and he turns around. Atsumu is looking at him with a raised brow as if saying,  _ “What the fuck was that?”  _ Osamu just rolls his eyes in response.

He somehow manages to get through afternoon practice like he did in the morning, without tripping over himself while admiring Suna’s beauty. Once practice finishes, they head off to the locker room to take a shower and pack. 

Atsumu tells him to go ahead since he wants to do extra practice for his serves. While Suna and Osamu walk out together out of the gym, they both chuckle when they hear Kita reprimanding the blonde setter.

Unlike lunch, their walk back to their houses was not silent at all. They had a full conversation and made a lot of jokes too. (Mostly making fun of Tsumu.)

Osamu can’t help but notice how pretty Suna’s smile is. His laughter is something he wished he could hear everyday. Everything about him is perfect to Osamu. 

_ How could this one single boy make Osamu feel these things?  _

_ How did he make him fall in love with him without even knowing? _

Osamu groans and he sees Suna raise an eyebrow. “S’nothing, don’t ya worry yer pretty little head.” Osamu says, forcing out a small chuckle and ruffling Suna’s hair. 

And just when the grey haired twin thought he couldn’t fall deeper, he was proven wrong. Because that sly brunette fox has the audacity to pout after having his hair ruffled.

He really wants Osamu to die young.

The spiker tries his best to keep calm but he can’t help but think that he wants to take a picture right then and there.  _ That pout is adorable, what the actual fuck?! _

“Stop pouting ya idiot, ya look stupid.” Osamu tries to say, hoping Suna doesn’t catch his voice wavering from him trying to keep himself from turning completely red.

“Hmph, whatever.” Suna says in reply and walks a bit faster to get in front of Osamu. The latter sighs and catches up with the other and muttering a small apology which makes the younger slightly smile. 

“Yer really a spoiled brat, Rin. What am I gonna do with you?” He whispers to himself. When the brunette asks him if he said anything, he just shakes his head and smiles.

He drops Suna off at his house and before Osamu gets the chance to walk away, he feels his wrist get tugged. “Wanna hangout this weekend?” Suna asks and of course Osamu says yes. 

He’s never learned to say “no” to his Rin.

Ah wait, he’s not  _ his.  _ He’s just his best friend.  _ Nothing more. _

There’s a pang in his chest but he still smiles and waves Suna goodbye. He looks back to make sure the other has gone inside and once he is, Osamu starts walking back home. It isn’t that far from Suna’s house, just a few minute difference.

On the way home, just as he’s about to turn the corner, he feels an itchy feeling in his throat. He tries to cough to ease it, but it doesn’t work. 

He stops for a second as it suddenly worsens and he’s having a coughing fit. He covers his mouth to muffle the coughs so he doesn’t disturb the neighbours nearby.

He’s having a hard time breathing and leans against the lamp post for support. He heaves and coughs as if there’s something stuck in his throat.

After one final cough, he feels something come out of his throat and he feels tears running down his cheeks. He sighs and brings his hand down. Before he’s able to wipe his hands, he sees something on it and freezes.

_ Ah, of course.  _

_ A petal. A red and pink petal. _

_ He should have seen this coming. _

_ How could he have been so naive?  _

_ He loves Suna so much, even if he knows it’s unrequited. _

_ And where did that lead him? At what cost did it take to keep loving Suna? _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_. _

  
  


_ He truly is fucked, isn’t he? _

  
  
  



	2. silently

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi y'all! sorry for the slow update! i just wanna make sure it's how i want it and am busy with other things.
> 
> enjoy the chapter <3

  
_   
_

Osamu stares at the petals in his hand. After a minute, he shakes out of his trance and runs home in a hurry. He keeps the petals in his pocket and his mind goes to overdrive.

He decides to calm down on the way home and first find out what petals he coughed up. He reaches home and immediately runs to his and Atsumu’s shared bedroom.

He drops his bag and brings the petals out of his pocket. He sets them on the desk and searches on his phone. He brings out many pictures and websites when he finally spots the ones he coughed up.

_ Red and Pink camellias. _

He looks at the meaning and gives a small laugh that doesn’t last long as he coughs again. He reads out loud and stares at the petals. 

Pink camellias mean  _ longing for someone.  _ Red camellias mean  _ you’re the flame in my heart. _

How fitting, he thinks. Isn’t that how he described Suna when he first realized his feelings? He throws the petals in the trash bin and covers it with paper that needs to be thrown out anyways.

He stays silent for a second.  _ Wrong move, his brain tells him. _

All of a sudden, panic overcomes him and anxiety eats him up. Does he tell Tsumu? What will the team think? And most importantly, is he going to confess?

He crouches onto the floor and hugs his knees and starts sobbing. What the hell is he going to do?

He can’t just tell the object of his affections, “Hey, I’m in love with you. Also, there are flowers in my lungs cause I just love you that much.”

Osamu scoffs, that’s stupid. He continues going into mental and emotional overdrive and muffling his sobs as he hugs himself. He chokes on his sobs when he hears Atsumu open the door and call him so they can eat dinner together.

He immediately rushes to the bathroom to wash his face, hopefully making his red rimmed eyes less obvious so his brother doesn’t question him.

He goes downstairs and meets Tsumu, avoiding eye contact as much as possible. If he looks at his twin,  _ he’ll know. _

Dinner is silent at first, small comments here and there along with small bickering. But, overall, it’s quiet and it’s deafening. It’s  _ never  _ quiet with the Miya Twins. So finally breaking the silence, the blonde twin speaks up.

“Why’re ya bein’ so quie’ fer?” He asks and the grey haired twin remains silent, continuing to eat his food. He’s silently praying that Tsumu doesn’t ask further.

But, his prayers aren’t heard as he hears his brother speak again.

“What? Did ya finally see yer feelings fer dear ol’ Sunarin?” He asks, maintaining eye contact with him and Osamu chokes on his food. He feels his face heat up at the mention of his name.

It’s short lived as he starts coughing seriously and he tries his best to stop petals from coming out but his efforts are left to no avail as a single red petal falls out of his mouth and grimaces.  _ Fuck. _

“I- Samu..?” Osamu watches as his brother puts down his utensils and immediately walks over to him and pulls a chair beside him. He watches as Tsumu grabs his hand and starts rubbing his back to soothe him and he relaxes. 

He hears his brother call him, “Samu?”, and he says it so softly that it brings the wing spiker to tears. While his eyes are closed and he’s trying hard to stop his tears, he feels arms wrap around him and envelop him into a warm embrace.

“Hey, Samu. Calm down first, yeah?. I’m still here, I’ll wait fer ya ta talk.” Tsumu whispers and so Osamu continues crying into his brother’s shoulder. He doesn’t know how long he cries for but he knows that this moment is kept safe between them.

If Osamu clings onto his older twin a little bit tighter than usual, then Atsumu doesn’t mention it.

After a while of sobbing, he finally calms down and breathes. The setter offers him a glass of water which he accepts and looks at the other. His brother is making a face and Osamu knows he’s trying his best not to cry too. He sighs and takes a deep breath before talking.

“I- You weren’t supposed to find out so quickly.” He chuckles but it slowly turns into a small frown when he continues. Atsumu just continues holding his hand and rubbing circles on his hand which comforts the younger.

“I recently realized my feelings...for Rin. Just like what ya said. I..I really do love him and it surprised me at first. But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t see it coming.” He whispers the last part and lets his head fall on his brother’s shoulder. “What do I do, Tsumu?”

He hears his brother sigh and feels him hug him again. He feels the other adjusting their position to be more comfortable.

“Ya know, I didn’t know what ta do at first too. Ya were there when I first coughed up petals and the rest of that hell. I felt so happy when I realized I liked Omi, but then hanahaki said sike.” He laughs at that, he does remember when Atsumu got hanahaki a year before.

“I know what yer gonna do, I’m yer twin. I know yer thinkin’ about skipping surgery and continuing to love Sunarin all the way til yer death bed. I know I can’t convince ya otherwise because even if ya dunno it, you’ve made up yer mind. That’s just what love makes us do.”

Osamu lifts his head up and meets his brother’s glassy eyes. He starts tearing up with his brother, but through the tears, his brother speaks.

“I don’t wanna lose ya, Samu. I really really don’t. As much as we fight, ya’ll always be my number one best friend. I’m now gonna know how it felt like to be ya when I had hanahaki.”

He brings his thumb to wipe Atsumu’s tears and they try their best to stifle their sobs. Osamu speaks up, voice hoarse.

“Tsumu..I’m sorry.” He apologizes, but before he can continue his apology, the older twin cuts him off. “Don’t ya apologize, aho. We can’t stop ourselves from loving. We don’t choose to, it just happens.  _ That’s the most painful and beautiful part bout’ it, ain’t it? _ ”

The wing spiker stares for a moment, but then chuckles because  _ he’s right. _ “When did ya get so wise?” Osamu teases and his brother chuckles. All he gets is a short and simple, “Love makes ya wise and stupid at tha same time. Weird ain’t it?”

They talk for a while and continue their dinner. Once they finish dinner, wash the dishes and clean the table, they go up to their room to take showers and get ready for bed. Who cares about homework right now? He just needs to spend time with Tsumu for now.

As they’re about to sleep, lights closed and phones put away. Atsumu speaks up in a soft voice.

“Samu, I’ll be yer rock til tha end, yeah? Just like ya were for me. Nothing will change between us. I love ya all tha same, little bro.” He says and chuckles at the last part.

Osamu bites his lip, he’s done enough crying for the night. “I love yer stupid ass too, aho. Thank ya.” He says and smiles. He’s not sure if Tsumu sees it but he can already imagine him smiling in the darkness that fills their bedroom.

As they drift off to sleep, Atsumu’s words ring in Osamu’s head.

_ “We don’t choose to, it just happens.” _ _   
_ _   
_ Osamu thinks about it and realizes how easy and natural it felt to love Suna. It was a slow and unnoticeable process of feelings building. He falls asleep thinking about fox eyes and brown hair.

\--

They wake up the next morning and read the texts that Saturday practice is cancelled. So since it’s really only the Miya twins at home as their parents are always busy with work, they spend the day together. Playing and fighting, running and shouting.  _ And Osamu feels warm. _

He texts Suna that he can’t hangout because something came up and Suna replies with a short, “Ok. Maybe next time.”

_ As much as he loves Suna, his love for his brother is just as strong. _

The whole weekend, his mind is taken off the flowers growing in his lungs. He worries and anxieties are buried in the back of his head for now. All he thinks about is Atsumu and spending every last second he has with him.

\--

Osamu wakes up to the light peeking through the curtains and groans. He slowly stirs awake and sees that his brother’s bed is empty and fixed. He’s worried for a second until he hears the faint noises of someone in the kitchen and sighs.

Today will be something new, it’ll be the first time he goes to school after knowing he has hanahaki. He hopes nothing will happen and that he can keep the flowers in his lungs a secret.

When he thinks about it, he shivers because he remembers Kita’s eyes. “He might find out..” He mumbles to himself but for now, his worries are directed towards a certain middle blocker.

Before he goes into another overdrive, he gets up to take a quick shower and dress up. He packs his things and goes down to their kitchen and dining area. Atsumu has already finished getting ready and has already put their breakfast on the table. He even made their bentos for lunch which is...surprising. 

Normally, it’s the younger twin who is early and preparing everything. He’s wary and thinks it must be because he found out. Without thinking, he blurts out, “Ya didn’t have ta do this just cuz I’m slowly suffocating on flowers.”

Atsumu tilts his head and huffs out a small laugh. “I know, but tha’ ain’t it, Samu. Look at the time.” This time Osamu is the one to tilt his head in confusion and checks his phone for the time, it’s 6:45am.  _ Oh, he slept in later than usual. _

He hears his brother sigh, assuming that he’s gotten what that means. It’s already taking effect in his body and all. He just shrugs and eats his breakfast and the blonde twin joins in a bit later after packing their bentos.

After their morning routine, they finish at 7am and start rushing to school. Practice starts at 7:15am and the walk to school is 10 minutes. At this point, they would race, in which they did. But, sadly, the adrenaline of running was short lived as the wing spiker started coughing and they both stopped.

When continuing to walk, Osamu thinks, “Oh, I didn’t see Rin on tha way.” Atsumu raises his eyebrow and he just says, “Normally, I’m earlier than ya righ’? So on tha way, I run into him and we walk to school together.” 

All Atsumu does is smirk at him and laughs. Osamu blushes a bit and hits the back of his head. As the older twin starts calming down, he speaks up. “It seems ta me tha ya migh’ have a chance. Why won’t ya confess?” Upon hearing his question, the younger sighs.

“I can get scared to ya know? I’d rather die slowly an’ lovin’ in secret than riskin’ our friendship on tha small chance.” He replies and it’s quiet for a while.

“Ya’ll never know til ya try, Samu.” That’s all he says before they finally make it to the gym and it has just reached 7:15. They rush to the locker rooms and get ready and join in with the others who are already huddled up and listening to the coach.

\--

Nothing particularly concerning or big happens during practice which is a relief. However, Osamu notices that he can’t jump as high or hit as hard as he once did. Every now and then, he glances over at the brunette and feels the itch in his throat.

Mostly, he can control it, but if he stares too long during breaks, he excuses himself to rush to the bathroom. Atsumu glances at him worriedly when he does so, but tries his best to distract everyone else so as to not raise any suspicions.

Practice ends a bit earlier than usual, at 8:30am. They shower and change into their school uniforms and start heading to their classrooms. Atsumu and Gin split their ways and before leaving, his brother gives him a reassuring smile and pat on the back.

It’s quiet between Osamu and Suna as they walk slowly to their classroom, they still have about 5 minutes anyways and the walk isn’t that far.

Osamu thinks he’ll be fine and that they can just stay in silence for the rest of the way, but suddenly the other speaks up. “Hey, are you okay?” The grey haired twin looks over to Suna and he regrets his decision.

Because Suna’s actually showing an expression of concern, which means he probably  _ has _ noticed something.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t I be, Suna?” Suna stops them before entering their classroom. Osamu glances at the clock and they have 2 minutes. 

“You only call my Suna when your trying to hide something from me. Are you sick or something?” He continues to pry and Osamu has to take a deep breath to prevent the flowers itching to come out of his throat from spilling his secrets.

He sighs audibly, “I said I’m fine. Sorry for worrying ya, Rin.” He smiles and walks inside the classroom. He goes to his seat and watches Suna follow suit but only with a slight frown. 

Osamu could tell him. He could reassure him like he usually would.

But, he chooses to stay silent instead.

The teacher walks in and the lesson starts. The twin tries his best to focus on the lesson, but it’s hard when he can see Suna occasionally glance at him causing his throat to itch. He closes his eyes for a second and takes another deep breath to calm his heart down.

When it gets too much for him, he gives up on the lesson and puts his head down instead, feigning tiredness and sleepiness.

\--

At lunch, they meet up with Atsumu who says that Gin needs to stay behind at their classroom and can’t join them. They walk up to their usual spot on the rooftop with their bentos and relax. It’s more quiet than usual, of course the setter is still yapping about but it's more quiet.

They eat their bentos and sometimes either Osamu or Suna would make comments about whatever Atsumu is talking about and sometimes it would end up with laughter or poking at the blonde twin.

At some point, the talking and laughing dies down and it becomes quiet again. Osamu is finishing his food when he feels a weight on his shoulder. He glances down and sees that Suna has leaned on him, probably about to take a short nap.

He looks at the time and they have 20 minutes left of lunch. He asks his brother for sanitizer which he keeps now since he’s “apparently changing habits for his germaphobe boyfriend”. 

He sighs and brings a hand to Suna’s hair and starts carding his fingers through the soft brown hair. He looks at Atsumu who’s pointing a finger and making a sort of hand movement, asking what’s going on.

“It helps him sleep or calm down and he allows me ta do it. It’s nice anyways, his hair is soft.” He says the last part softly and his brother snorts. He sees Atsumu mouth the words “you’re whipped” and he glares at him.

He continues carding his fingers through Suna’s hair and he hears the younger practically  _ purr  _ and he feels his cheeks heat up. The setter is trying his best to quiet down his laughs as he’s enjoying the sight of the wing spiker struggle with gay panic.

What he doesn’t expect next is for the middle blocker to nuzzle unconsciously into his neck and  _ for fucks sake, Osamu is really going to die young. _

Ironically, he feels the familiar itch in his throat and he glances at Atsumu worriedly. He gets the message and helps place Suna down onto the setter’s lap temporarily without waking up Suna. Osamu runs to the bathroom and coughs up flowers.

After cleaning up, Osamu heads back and they adjust. Suna is lying on his lap, sleeping peacefully and Atsumu is fixing their stuff. The bell rings and they wake up the brunette. He stirs awake and doesn’t even bat an eye when he realizes he had been sleeping on Osamu.

_ “Don’t ya know wha yer doin’ ta me, Rin? Ya make my heart feel warm but yer making it hard to breathe.” _

They get up and walk to their classrooms. Atsumu waves them goodbye and reminds them that afternoon practice is cancelled but he’s going to stay behind to get some practice in anyways. They just shake their head at him and walk in their classroom.

“You’re a comfortable pillow, Samu.” Suna blurts out and Osamu sputters and immediately hides his red face. “What the hell, Rin?” Suna just laughs at him as the teacher walks in and starts the lesson.

\--

After class is finished, Osamu waits for the other before they start walking out of the school gates and head back to their homes.

They have a small, casual conversation which is interrupted by the wing spiker coughing. Osamu manages to hide the few petals that come out and stuff them in his pocket.

“Are you sure you’re not getting sick?” He feels the back of Suna’s hand press against his forehead and he wills down a blush from forming. “Yeah, am okay, don’t worry.” 

He drops Suna off at their house. Before walking away, just like last Friday, he feels a tug at his wrist. He turns back and meet’s Suna’s grayish-yellow eyes.

“Come over sometime this week? We can study together.” The brunette asks, and as always, he can’t say “no” to him. So, he nods his head and smiles a bit.

He waves him goodbye and starts walking back home.

When walking home, he starts having another coughing fit, just like last time. He holds himself against a pole and coughs until his throat is hoarse and dry. He stares at the petals in his hand.

_ Rin, I love ya so much, it hurts. _

_ I wish you could feel the same way. _

_ But, you probably only think of me as yer best friend right? _

_ So I’ll keep quiet and love ya silently. _

_. _

  
  


_. _

  
  


_. _

  
  


_. _

  
  


_. _

_ I’ll suffer silently, so ya can be happy. _

_ But why? _

_ Why does it have to hurt so fucking much? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oop im so sorry to the loml, samu. i feel bad for making him suffer but it's for the story. 
> 
> based on my outline, next chapter is when things get more interesting. i have a really good idea for the storyline and i can't wait for y'all to read what happens.
> 
> thanks jo for beta reading this <3
> 
> anyways follow me on instagram [@rinsmiya](https://www.instagram.com/rinsmiya/)


	3. distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw//blood, drowning (metaphorically), depressing thoughts, breakdown
> 
> hey y'all! i'm sorry for the slow update. school and editing is killing me and it doesn't help that my motivation is dying. 
> 
> this isn't beta read as i rushed to get this out so i'm sorry for any mistakes. anyways enjoy <3

Osamu composes himself, still weak from the coughing. He grips onto the pole for balance as he straightens himself up. He blinks to slowly remove the blurriness of his eyes and takes a deep breath. He wipes the tears that formed at the corner of his eyes and starts walking back home.

He makes it home, thankfully without another coughing fit. He enters the house and he’s feeling way more fatigued than he was beforehand. He can’t bring himself to go upstairs, his limbs feel like jelly.

He drags himself to the living room and collapses on the couch. He shuts his eyes and takes deep breaths. The itch in his throat is still there but decides to ignore it and try to sleep.

As his consciousness drifts away, he thinks about Suna.  _ All this pain for you. Why can’t you love me? _

\--

He wakes up to see his brother’s face, but closes his eyes immediately as it seems way too bright for his liking. He feels his hand touch against his forehead. “Aho, ya got a fever.” He hears him say. His mind is hazy, he tries to sit up with the help of his brother, slowly opening his eyes again.

All of a sudden, he feels a sharp pain and starts coughing again. He coughs and coughs and the spiker thinks it’s gotten worse. He feels hands rubbing up and down on the small of his back and knows his brother is there and not leaving him.

_ He doesn’t think he can stand being alone right now. _

When he recovers from the coughing, he looks down at his hands to see not just petals, but blood too. “Fuck.” Osamu mutters and looks back up to see his brother. 

“Samu, I think yer in the second stage now.” Osamu can tell that Atsumu is trying to sound as calm as possible but knows that he’s slightly panicking through the slight waver in his voice. He places a reassuring hand on the blonde’s shoulder and smiles weakly.

“I’m okay right now, Tsumu. Don’t worry, yeah? It just means I need to be more careful.” Atsumu nods and sighs. He stands up and Osamu watches as the older twin goes into the kitchen and comes back with their food and water.

They both take their seats around the small table that they have in the living room and say their thanks. They dig in and the grey haired twin feels content with this moment. Just eating and enjoying his brother’s presence.

While eating, Atsumu speaks up. “I.. I don’t mean ta be gloomy but Samu.. Ya got ta the second stage fast. Ya must really love him tha’ much.” Osamu chuckles at the last sentence.    
  
“Yeah, I guess I do.”

There’s a moment of silence and Osamu hates it because his brother is usually noisy and loud. By this time, he’d be blabbering on about his day. But now, he sits there, finishing his food, and quiet.

“Tsumu, yers was just as bad as this, don’t forget. We’ll be okay.” Atsumu looks up with wide eyes but his expression softens. “Yeah… okay, I’m here for ya.”

After dinner, Atsumu helps Osamu go to their room and lay him down on his bed. Osamu lays there as his brother disappears to clean the table and wash their dishes.

He’s thankful for Atsumu, he really is. He wouldn’t know what to do right now if he wasn’t there. As strong and reserved he is, today, he’s been feeling hopeless. That he really  _ is going to die. _

Today, his mind couldn’t help but let him drown into his sorrows and pain. Everything felt heavier no matter how much he tried to relieve it. The constant thoughts of dying lingering in his head. The thoughts that he will never be able to experience his love being requited, left there to slowly suffocate.

Before his mind goes into a deeper and darker space, his brother comes back with a cool fever patch and a glass of water. He lets the older twin place the patch on his forehead and he leans into the touch for a second, sighing.

The Miya twins are known to be rough and fight all the time. But here, this is their safe space. Believe it or not, they can be soft and calm around each other too. They really love each other and that love will always be the greatest.

“The fever isn’t tha’ bad yet, but I still think ya need to rest. Don’t go ta school fer now.” Atsumu says as he takes Osamu’s temperature and the younger huffs. “I need ta go tomorrow, I got a test I need to take.”

He sees Atsumu roll his eyes and sigh. “Fine, but ya ain’t practicing. Ya need ta take care of yerself.” Osamu nods his head, already starting to feel tired, eyelids fluttering open and close. The setter notices this so he finishes up so he can let his brother rest.

“Sleep well, Samu.” The spiker sees him flick the lights off and head to his bed. He feels his eyelids get heavier and heavier until he falls asleep.

\--

He wakes up and sees that the room is empty and Atsumu’s bed is fixed and cleaned. He looks at the time, 7:40am. He gets up as fast as he can and gets ready. When he goes downstairs he sees that his brother has already finished preparing everything. He looks for him and sees him lounging on the couch on his phone.

“Tsumu..” He calls, voice hoarse and softer than usual. His twin looks around and stands up immediately when he sees him. Before Osamu can say anything, his brother is already checking on him and making sure he’s alright.

“I’m fine. I’m just… tired.” He yawns and rubs his eyes. “Wasn’t there morning practice?” He asks, knowing full well they did and questioning why his brother didn’t go. 

“I texted Kita-san that we couldn’t go. Told him ya were sick and I had to take care of ya.” Osamu huffs, “Ya didn’t have to. I know ya wanna practice.”

Atsumu rolls his eyes and mutters a small “aho” before going to the kitchen and handing Osamu his stuff. They lock up the house and start walking to school. 

They make it to school and make it to the gym to visit everyone, it’s 8:15am when they make it there. The twins greet the coach and apologize to which they get an “it’s fine, just take care.”

The two watch practice and Osamu watches with his brother as the team practices their receives. He wants to spike, he misses practicing. When he makes the move to do so, his brother glares at him and pushes him to stay seated.

He’s about to stand again when he sees Kita glaring at him and shivers. It’s safe to say he sat back down immediately.

Suddenly, he makes eye contact with Suna who’s looking at him with an unreadable expression. He quickly averts his gaze and pretends to talk to Atsumu instead.

If he notices from his peripheral vision that Suna frowned afterwards, he doesn’t think about it.

Practice ends and the two wait for Suna and Ginjima to finish changing. They walk to their classrooms and Atsumu doesn’t leave his side until they really need to part. 

Suna hasn’t spoken a word to him, so he keeps quiet as well. He wouldn’t know what to say really. Not to mention, he feels like complete  _ shit  _ right now, but he needs to keep himself going for the tests that he has in his morning classes.

He should probably ask if he can go home during lunch saying he’s sick. It’s true and reasonable, Osamu thinks and shrugs to himself.

He’s about to put his head down until the boy next to him speaks and asks to borrow a pen. Osamu just huffs and gives him a pen, muttering a small, “I’m losing pens because of you.”   
  
Suna acts like he didn’t hear him, but the wing spiker can see the small smile on his lips  _ and that gentle smile does things to his heart. _

It does bring the familiar itch though, to which the twin scrambles to muffle his coughs and hide the petals that come out with his blazer. 

He pretends not to notice Suna looking at him worriedly and is saved when the teacher starts speaking up and talking about the test.

\--

The lunch bell rings and the spiker yawns as he stretches. He was able to make it through his classes and tests in the morning, he can’t wait to eat.

He nudges Suna with his foot and they start heading to their normal lunch spot and see Atsumu and Gin waiting for them. They wave and walk over to them.

Lunch is going great, it’s been a while since it was all of them together. The past week, there has always been someone missing and Osamu feels glad to have them all here. It has been rough.

While laughing at Atsumu, alongside with Suna and Gin, he feels a weight on his shoulder and glances down to see brown hair brushing his chin. He tries to keep composed, but suddenly the itch in his throat comes back and he panics because he can’t stop it.

He quickly covers his mouth and stands up to run to the bathroom. He pushes the middle blocker off and apologizes as he makes a break for it.

Unknowing to him, as he turns his back, the other three are staring at him with worry. 

“Atsumu, is Osamu okay? That’s never happened before.” Gin says cautiously. “Is he sick?” Suna asks and the blonde stands up to catch up to his brother. 

“Yeah… he’s fine. He has a slight fever but came to school for his tests. I’ll bring him to the nurse’s office.” With that, the blonde gathers his stuff with Osamu’s and goes to where his twin is.

The last two are left in silence as they wait for the bell to ring. “Suna, I’m kind of worried. That didn’t seem like a slight fever.” Gin says as they get up and start walking.

Suna only hums and nods, too busy in his head.

\--

In the end, when Osamu was found against the toilet bowl in one of the stalls of the bathroom, Atsumu brings him to the nurse’s office who tells the older twin to bring him home. The nurse says that she’ll get their stuff and inform their teachers.

Atsumu bows slightly and thanks her when she comes back and starts walking his brother home. “Aho, your fever is worse.” He whispers as Osamu clings onto him for support.

They get home and Osamu barely gets through the front door before his legs give out. Atsumu scrambles to catch him and sighs. The spiker feels himself get lifted up again and carried to their bedroom.

“Tsumu..” His voice is quiet and weak, all he wants to do is sleep. He wants to sleep but he feels another wave of coughs climb up his throat. He hacks up flowers onto the floor and Atsumu can’t do anything but watch and provide some comfort.

“I’ll get you a glass of water and cool fever for your forehead. I’ll be quick.” Osamu watches his brother leave the room as he heaves and gasps for air.  _ This sucks. _

He stares at the red and pink camellia flower petals and feels tears flow down his cheeks. 

He drifts off to sleep as he cries his heart out.

\--

Sometime during the week while he’s bed ridden, Suna visits. His eyes go wide as he groggily opens up the door and sees the middle blocker’s face.

“Rin?” He whispers, but lets him inside. The grey haired twin goes to the kitchen to get them both glasses of water, then joins the other on their living room couch.

He places the glasses down and thinks about his next words. Carefully, he says, “What are ya doin’ here?” Suna finally looks up from staring at his hands and looks at him.

“Practice was cancelled because of a school staff meeting. Atsumu had to stay back a bit to take a make-up test. So, I offered to watch over you for a bit.” Osamu sees the younger fidgeting, like he wants to say more but is nervous too.

“What’s on yer mind? You’re fidgeting.” The twin brings a hand to card through the brunette’s hair and the action itself encourages Suna to speak.

“Are you mad at me? You’ve been avoiding me.” Osamu’s fingers halt for a second before continuing moving again. 

Osamu shrugs, “No, I haven’t. Must be imagin’ things, Rin.” He says almost too quickly. 

“Yes you have, stop lying. Did I do something? Is something bothering you?” Suna continues asking and the spiker can feel his lungs constricting and petals going up his throat but he swallows it down as much as possible.

The twin brings his hand down and clenches them on his lap, “Calm down, it’s nothin’ for ya ta worry about. I’m getting tired, I’ll go up and take a nap, yeah?” Osamu stands up and feels Suna grab his wrist.

“I  _ am  _ worried. You feel so far away now and I just wanna know if I did something.” When Osamu looks back at Suna, his heart breaks because the middle blocker’s eyes look glossy and he feels so bad. 

Before things escalate, Atsumu comes home and walks into the living room. Osamu tugs his wrist free and walks over to his brother and slumps into him, head resting on his shoulder and face hidden in the crook of the blonde’s neck.

“What.. happen’d?” Atsumu asks, bringing his arms to close around his brother’s figure. Suna just stands up and scoffs slightly. “I’ll see you in school, Tsumu.” Then, Suna walks out.

Once he hears the door slam close, Osamu starts sobbing into his brother’s shoulder, body shaking and trembling. “Hey, hey, it’s ok.” Atsumu tightens his embrace.

“I hate lying to him. I hate this.” He sobs and lets himself be comforted by his twin.

_ I’m sorry, Rin. I really am. _

_ I don’t want to do this, but it’s the best choice for both of us. _

_ I don’t want to hurt you, but I need space. _

_ This way, it’ll be easier for you to forget me when I leave. _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_. _

_ I love you so much, Rin. _

_ But, I’ll only ever be able to love you from afar and dream that you do too. _

_ Because I know that I have no chance. _

_ And that’s okay, as long as you’re happy. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FEEL SO BAD FOR PUTTING SAMU THRU SO MUCH. the next chaps are angst heavy but i promise i'll let your hearts breathe in the end.
> 
> i'm not sure when i'll start and release chap 4 but hopefully sometime after christmas earliest. i might write the 3rd fic for _atsumu, my love_ or a plot that was requested by one of my friends so yeah.
> 
> anyways, follow me on instagram [@rinsmiya](https://www.instagram.com/rinsmiya/)

**Author's Note:**

> hi y'all! here is the first chapter of my osasuna hanahaki fic! i've always wanted to write one so i decided to make one. 
> 
> for this fic, it'll be a slow process and chapter release as i really want this fic to be emotional and all that so i'm sorry in advance if chapters take a while. i promise i'll try my best to make it worth the wait.
> 
> this first chapter isn't beta read and it'll act sorta like a pilot for y'all to see if you're interested. if you want, tell me what you think so far in the comments.
> 
> thanks for reading! kudos and comments are appreciated!
> 
> anyways, follow me on instagram [@rinsmiya](https://www.instagram.com/rinsmiya/)


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